adam called last night
asked about friend
he said you havent changed
got my mind going and do i really want him to come back or should i tell him not to come back until we get this sorted out. don't know what i want.
lying by omission or so as not to upset is as bad as boldfaced lie to me.
went to bed. thought more about adam. got up and turned AC down as was frozen.


woke up around 10:30
showered
dressed
tired of hair, bangs. last night looked at pictures of when they were longer and sideswept and want that look back again. also thinking of growing my hair out. not long long, but just longer. jesus.

Jo'Ann's
no bodkin
got safety pins, zipper for flannel, and 1/8" elastic
looked around
old woman named mary lou cashier

home
made 2 grilled mozzerella/pizza sauce sandwiches
adam called
said i was a bitch to him
told him last night was mean of him to make something out of one question
told me he was...don't know how he put it... joking around. though he wasn't.
put laundry on
listened to rgshow while tried safety pin
ended up ripping out seams and pinning in elastic to try and do the s4d method of sewing it in instead of pulling it through.
did dishes, made bed, cleaned kitchen counters/stove
electricity flickered off for a minute
made PBandJ, and packed pretzels and carrots for work

drove
work
briget and tim at dentist
entertainment news - dylan reviews
pop candy blog
lots of SOM stickers
lots of checkout/renewals
ate food i packed. still hungry.
so boring up here.
feel like i'm getting masters for monkey work
there is nothing to this
girl complaining that her slides are taking forever to print.
don't know that i will ever have job i like/enjoy or don't dread coming too everyday.
maybe will just try to make enough to get on
realized at 7:30 that missed 770 course chat which started at 7pm.
i dread each time a student comes to the print release stations.
that's a lot of dread in a day.
ready to go home. so so ready to go home.

class introduction version 3:

Hi, I'm Rachael and I'm 25 years old. I'm interested in going into the academic library world - perhaps as a cataloger. I'm originally from Natchez, Mississippi where I spent the first 17 years of my life. From there I went to the University of Alabama where I started out with an eye towards a music therapy degree. Along the way I changed my major and came out with a B.A. in English (keeping a minor in music) in August 2004. I took a year and a half away from school during which I lived in Ruston, LA with my brother who was a finance student at LA Tech (now an alum as of May 06). I applied to the SLIS program intending to enter last fall, but finally making it here for spring 06. I'm working as a GA at the USC School of Medicine Library 20 hours a week. I formerly worked in the tech services department at Thomas Cooper. On top of that I'm a full time student as well - taking 4 classes last spring, one in the summer, and 4 for the upcoming fall semester! I tend to have mini obsessions instead of interests. This summer it has been all about Gertrude Stein, shrimp jambalaya, fashion magazines and the Violent Femmes. Other loves and obsessions include beat lit, lip gloss, flea markets/antique/thrift/junk stores, Bob Dylan, Richard Brautigan, sewing dresses and jogging.

this week i have magically gained 5 pounds which does not make sense, numbers-wise. i have gone to the gym five times this week, an hour and a half each time. i have not overeaten or undereaten except for my birthday when i had cake, ice cream, and a shrimp quesadilla. drinking water. nothing too high in sodium. more fiber rich foods than usual. it's not the normal bloated week of the month.

i don't know, i don't know, i don't know. this really messes with my head.

first dress - finished

made by me.

off to clean house and get started on dress #2.

a sewing entry

i've almost finished sewing my first dress. it's turned out so nicely, and fits me exactly which i suppose is one of the perks to making your own clothes. all i have left is the facing and sewing the neckline/arms/shoulders. i think i'm going to make this pattern several more times in its different variations. the one i am making is in blackish/greyish denim with a kick pleat in the skirt. i already have an orange plaid fabric and a black/white houndstooth for two others. i think i will use the plaid for the fully pleated skirt variation and the houndstooth for the straight skirt, although i think the houndstooth may hold the pleats better. i am unsure about these things. i also have a purple denim (it is so so excellent with a bit of hot pink in it) and a green denim which i may use instead since i like the way it has worked up in the denim i'm using now.

the very first thing i made was a tank top which was more for practice. i don't think i will ever wear it unless i rework the neckline since i messed up cutting the curves. also some glue or something plastic had melted onto my iron, so it left a small mark on the front when i pressed it. it looks a little rough, but turned out much better than i had planned. i do think it might be cute with a black turtleneck underneath it in the winter.

other than that i've chopped and shortened the ubiquitous purple madras old navy sundress since it was too long for me. i also had to reattach the straps since they tore in two places... before i'd even worn the thing.

the last time i sewed anything before that was an apron for home ec in the 7th grade, so i am basicly teaching myself along with sewing for dummies. most recent confusions/complications/learning experiences have been adding darts and zippers. i have not attempted anything with buttonholes yet. also i would like to learn to make the insides look as nice and neat as the outsides. it will get there.

sometimes i feel like i need security guards to protect me from the security guards that work here.

library
search through the archives
in the stacks
looking through my archives

chicken little, chicken little, the sky is falling.

sometimes i wonder if i feel better when he's not around.

i was going to try to finish my book at work, but i forgot to bring lunch/dinner/FOOD again so my head hurts just so.

i scrounged up enough change for a coke zero.

i finally got a haircut saturday from van at pia & steve's. he was A+. haircuts with unfamiliar people make me nervous. "everything will be alright. smile!" he kept saying, which seemed odd between his own serious stares and contemplative snips. but he was right and it was alright and i did smile.

why do i feel dizzy when i stand outside elevator doors?

why does my belly button hurt? what happened to my belly button between last night and this morning? i have a very sore belly button.

i need a haircut badly.

i gave my bed a makeover.

remember how you picked me up from the norfolk airport in your uniform and you were late? remember how you told me 'i'm so glad you're here'? that was such a strange thing for you to say, knowing you now, it is strange that you said that to me at all. we held hands in a rental car and i remember your thumb, i remember the movement of your thumb, exactly how that felt. we picked up salads from mcdonalds and went to a hotel.

and in d.c. riding in a cab, our driver not knowing where our restaurant was exactly, and us not knowing either, exactly. we drank champagne, and i still wonder if i heard you correctly that night inside me. you fell asleep and i watched dr. strangelove. and the next day at the smithsonian, remember how you took a nap on a bench next to the mister rogers exhibit? remember your head in my lap? you were so tired always.

and then remember how you drove 13 hours, was it 13 hours, straight from north carolina to knock on my louisiana window? remember how you drove straight there? we slept in my green twin bed after kissing and furiously rushing into each other. i think you showered too.

and do you remember the first time i saw the snow in new york, the first time i'd ever seen snow, real snow? we bought matching hats and gloves from an old lady in the mall. an orange coat for me, a brown coat for you. we looked at our reflections in the glass of a deserted store window.

a few weeks later we took a train from albany to shreveport. remember how i said i've always wanted to be on a train and how you bought tickets and we went? we slept in our seperate bunks. i couldn't stop staring out of the window. i think we fought. it is the first time i remember you talking about calling it off, do you remember?