fantasy parade
curliqued daydreams
carefully noting the commas in your voice
mental images:
pink toes
dark hair
tear stained face
a smile in your ear
brushing your shoulder
selfish love
jealous love
i don't know what you think
i don't know what you feel
i am guessing
i am not speaking
my conscience is lacking
throwing a book from a window
we are all conspirators
living our lives in secrets unbreathed
and plotting demise or to advantage
our own selfish means
we are capable of our own destruction
but who is responsible?
short dark hair
suicide lace
icons of womanhood
the virgin whore
the breast of christ
stone walls and fevers
visions
love
lack of love
lavender sleep
breakfast honey
smells and tastes and all the senses
my darling my darling
we have eaten on sidewalks
we have talked on corners
sometimes you held my hand
a lyrical sense of movement
the magic of ephemera
infinitely so
i can't stop thinking about you
it's been so long
it will be so long
no illusions no projections
will always be a lie
i am disillusioned
my fantasies are only that
perhaps i am unfair
i want to take hold of your heart
i'm sick of myself
sometimes you make me feel that way
are we nothing but pests of the world
festering in its wound
breathing
crying
laughing
kissing
loving
working
fucking
sleeping
losing
dying
there is no room for so many things
my life is lacking semicolons
what will you make of me
when will you go
how will our chords progress
i cannot play your song by ear
we have made no promises
the feeling when we first part
the first minute of loneliness
airport sadness
then going about the day
i will be an old lady in a green coat
my mom used to sing to me
you are my sunshine
and i took selfish pride in being that sun
and tried to shine for her
but you tell me i am cloudy
and maybe time has weathered me
but i do not feel it
at times i do not feel anything
but mostly i feel too much
do you understand where the contradictions lie?
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